Influence in the Living Room
Last night we had a casual 17 unexpected guests stop by. It was my oldest son, Asher’s 15th birthday. And though we have spent his whole life avoiding sleepovers, we finally relented. And so 5 newly mustached teenagers rolled up to our house. They were met by our five year old, Tatum, who quickly began evaluating them one by one…
You have a mustache…
You have a mustache…
You have a mustache…
You don’t have a mustache…
You have an eyebrow mustache…
And…that’s when I shut off the video. It may have been this very assessment that sent them running outside. And there they were met with a band of eight year old girls who had been playing on our backyard swing. I don’t know how things escalated, but soon the two groups were shouting back and forth. My husband, Chris, showed up to mediate just in time to hear the ring leader for the girls shout “you’re an idiot!” Which started a chorus of the same from both sides. And I, wide eyed and happy Chris made it out the door first, watched in horror. Chris started to address that fiery little future leader and I held my breath. I thought for sure he was going to tell her to go play, leave the boys alone, go home. But instead he said something like this:
Sophia, I’m gonna tell you something.
You are smart and strong and you are a good friend.
We love you and we love it when you’re here.
I was a bit shocked. And then swooned just a little watching my husband say kind words that would change the atmosphere of the backyard war and leave little Sophia surprised and honored.
I really have no excuse for myself, but I naively thought it was going to be a pretty chill night. In fact I banked on it. I made Chris and I a charcuterie board and thought we’d relax while the kids played video games all night. But the big boys went back and forth from upstairs to outside. The little girls stuck around. Our other boys ran wild. Soon a couple of neighbor friends stopped by our fire pit outback. And then a teenage girl or two. At some point Chris leaned over and said “you’d better refill that cheese board”. And eventually a night where I thought we’d have just a few extra teenagers became a basic block party consisting of Asher’s 5 friends, our family of 6 and 17 neighbors, their kids and their kids’ friends.
The night ran away from us. A couple of Asher’s friends had to leave early. And since I had an ice cream cake that only served 8, it was never cut. The presents weren’t opened. Nothing was remotely close to what I had pictured. I was sad for Asher, his buddies that had no cake. I was frustrated with myself for not anticipating the extras and getting more cake. I laid awake that night and beat myself up for how it all went down. I sent a text apology for the overwhelm I expressed when the last 5 showed up. I worried about whether people had enough to snack on, felt welcome enough. And I grieved the dissipation of my perfect plan.
But when I woke the next morning my first thought was remembering the trio of Amazing Grace around our piano with Val. Then little Sophia’s face when Chris spoke those encouraging words over her. I laughed for hours at the mustache evaluation and rewatched the video over and over. And though I made some more apologies for the chaos and lack of cake, I mostly spent the morning filled with gratitude. I’m so thankful that our home is a place where an extra 17 would show up. And that’s when it hit me…the most life-changing and impactful moments don’t happen from a stage or a platform. They happen in a living room, often unplanned, and likely right smack in the middle of chaos.
As you get to know my story (if you don’t know it already) you’ll find that I’ve given up some large stages in different seasons in life. I’ve left behind some pretty great titles and positions and most reluctantly the identities I had tied to them. And yet for as long as I can remember I’ve prayed for God to expand my territory and use me in a big way.
But I’ve learned to be careful asking God for more influence. Because when he gives it, he calls us into deeper relationships. Our biggest impact isn’t influencing the masses but influencing a few deeply.
Big impact doesn’t always look as we expect it to. It’s often not the quantity of people we influence but the quality of our investment in a few. And let me tell you, it’s so much easier to influence outside your own home. You can be an expert there. It’s not quite so up close and personal. People don’t walk in your bathroom and find your kids’ dirty clothes piled in the corner.
Yet, it’s the life on life, honest and unpolished, beautifully messy and at times most difficult moments where the deepest relationships are forged. From those relationships come opportunities to love harder, give loads of grace, and ask for even more.
When my view was zoomed out on the thousands I’d peer at from a stage I couldn’t see the 17 right in front of me. Now we correct each other’s kids and sneak them treats. We’ve watched them lose their first teeth and cheered at their soccer games. We’ve walked through the loss of family members, shared wheel chair ramps when kids had leg surgeries and responded to all other manner of emergency situations (be it borrowing an egg or heading in for stitches after a firefly jar incident). These are some of the people we’ve been given to press into and they into us. Not to impress but to vulnerably do life with, however long God lets us. And the refurbished charcuterie, the backyard antics, the dirtier floors, the wrangling of the dog, and complete change of plans are just icing on the real-life, enough-for-everybody cake.